


Safe Haven

by carmul



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Established Relationship, Fluff, Long-Term Relationship(s), M/M, References to Depression, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-19
Updated: 2018-11-19
Packaged: 2019-08-21 08:54:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,937
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16573505
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carmul/pseuds/carmul
Summary: Everything is shit for Kyungsoo, but not when he's with Jongin.





	Safe Haven

**Author's Note:**

> hi! it's my first work in pure english, please bare with the mistakes uwu
> 
> i wrote this because i felt like shit and didn't know what else to do. everytime i would feel like it, i would write a part and it always made me feel better
> 
> i hope you'll like it!

 

 

As soon as Kyungsoo woke up, he already knew that his day will be shit. It’s already past 12 and it’s too late already to reach his 1 o’clock class on time. On normal days, he just feels  _meh_  but there are days when he hates the world, just like this one. He finds the smallest things and even some people irritating. Most of all, he hates himself, he hates existing, everything is shit. He feels like shit. There’s no explanation to it, he just feels like it. It’s just there.

 

When he looks at his phone, there are messages from different people, most of them asking where he was and if he’ll go to school. He opens them, but he doesn’t reply. He’s tired of explaining himself, because no one bothers to listen anyway. Some laugh at him and praise him sarcastically for not being in class, while others lecture and remind him of the maximum absences they’re allowed to have.

 

He sighs and puts his phone down, stares blankly at the ceiling for a long time, cursing himself in his head for another missed class. When and why did his life turn like this, he doesn’t know. Because of it, failed classes piled up on him making his relationship with his parents eventually go down. He barely talks to his dad and he understands why. They give their all to provide for him and he’s here, slacking off and being a trash son. He’s trash, yeah that’s what he is. He also stopped hanging out with some of his friends because he thinks that his presence won’t make a difference anyway. The boring and toxic Kyungsoo isn’t fun to be with, so he just distances himself for their sake.

 

With another sigh, despite having just woken up, he turns to his side and covers his whole body with the blanket, curls up and closes his eyes. He loves the unconsciousness that sleep gives him. It’s his small escape from this chaotic world and sometimes, he wishes he could just sleep forever.

 

-

 

Kyungsoo wakes up to someone’s weight near his waist. It can only be him. He slowly uncovers himself and waits for his eyes to adjust to the dark. Well fuck, it’s already nighttime, another day wasted. He reaches for his glasses on the night stand and sits up before wearing them.

 

“One of those days?” Jongin asks softly, with a concerned smile on his face. Kyungsoo half smiles and plays with his fingers before nodding. Jongin takes his hand, strokes circles on the back of it with his thumb and kisses it. “I brought food,” he says. He knows that Kyungsoo hasn't eaten anything the whole day. “Let’s eat before it gets cold?”

 

Jongin stands up and flicks the light on causing Kyungsoo to squint from the sudden brightness. He then grabs the paper bags on Kyungsoo’s study and places them on the carpeted floor before preparing the food. Kyungsoo just watches Jongin’s movements with a soft smile and after noticing the stillness, Jongin looks up at him. “You okay with Korean?” Of course he’s okay with it, it’s his favorite and Jongin knows it. “Yeah,” he quietly answers.

 

They start feasting on the takeout while Jongin shares how his day went. Kyungsoo listens attentively and laughs at some point but Jongin can see the worry and sadness in his eyes. “Soo,” Jongin starts. Kyungsoo looks up at him, brows raised. “Sorry I wasn’t able to pass by or call to wake you. I had to submit something and I was runni—”

 

“Ji,” Kyungsoo interrupts and frowns. “I told you already… I’m not your responsibility, okay? I should be responsible for my actions.” Jongin sighs and his worried expression is there again. “But you need help, Soo. And I’m more than willing to. I want to. I've been doing this for a long time now. If I don't want this, I wouldn't be here.”

 

Kyungsoo stares at him for a few seconds before looking down. “Aren’t you getting sick of me? Of my toxic ass?” Jongin stands up and Kyungsoo watches as he sits down beside him to give him a tight hug. “I will never get tired of you.” He reaches for his cheeks with both hands and kisses his forehead. “Never. Remember that, okay? Also, your ass isn’t toxic. If it is, I should be dead by now,” he jokes which makes Kyungsoo chuckle and hug him back.

 

Still wrapped in each other’s arms, Kyungsoo confesses, “But I’m worried I’ll drag you down with me.” His grip on Jongin’s shirt tightens. “I’m afraid of losing you but I can’t forgive myself if you’ll fuck up because of a trash like me. I’d rather be trash on my own.”

 

Jongin loosens their hug to lightly slap Kyungsoo’s mouth with the back of his hand making the latter look up at him with shocked eyes. “Bad mouth! You’re not trash, Soo. I don’t know a trash Kyungsoo, who is he? I only know a kind, loving, considerate, cute, handsome, talented—” he pauses after six kisses in between the compliments before finally kissing him on the lips, “—and delicious Kyungsoo.”

 

Kyungsoo rolls his eyes and huffs. “Delicious Kyungsoo who? I only know delicious tteokbokki.” Jongin laughs as Kyungsoo turns his body to the food again, shoving a piece of said spicy dish in his mouth. They continue eating and Jongin’s glad that his boyfriend’s expressions are totally different from a moment ago. He’s smiling happily now at the food and is even dancing a little, making tiny shimmies while seated. He smiles at the sight and Kyungsoo notices him as he devours a kimbap. With his mouth full and round, googly eyes he asks, “Whaf?” Jongin laughs at this and shakes his head. “Nothing. I just love seeing you smile.” Kyungsoo pretends to gag but he smiles afterwards. He picks up another kimbap with his chopsticks and feeds it to Jongin who happily accepts it.

 

After throwing the waste outside of Kyungsoo’s dorm, Jongin immediately sits beside the smaller guy on the bed, playing PUBG on his phone. He bends to place his head on Kyungsoo’s chest and the busy boy, still looking at the screen, raises one arm to make it easier to cuddle. They just stay in that position for a while, Jongin’s head between Kyungsoo’s arms while he watches his game.

 

“Soo, what time’s your class tomorrow?” Jongin asks, looking up at his boyfriend. Eyes still locked on the screen, Kyungsoo answers, “8:30. Ugh it’s fucking early, I guess I won’t sleep tonight then.” Jongin taps the pause button on the game causing Kyungsoo to look at him with protest. “You can’t, Soo. You’re ruining your body again. I’ll just stay here to wake you up,” he suggested with a smile. Kyungsoo forgets everything about his game and lifts Jongin’s head with both hands so they’re facing each other. “Your mom will look for you,” he says with concern.

 

“I already texted I’ll sleep here.”

 

“You don’t have clothes.”

 

“I brought them,” Jongin answers proudly with a smirk and Kyungsoo eyes him suspiciously. “You already planned this, huh?” Jongin laughs loudly and hugs his boyfriend again. “Maybe?”

 

-

 

As expected, Kyungsoo couldn’t sleep. They’re on his bed, with Jongin’s arm wrapped around his waist, spooning him. He rolls to face Jongin who’s sleeping soundly, looking like an angel. He gently strokes his boyfriend’s cheek with his hand and appreciates the lovely view.

 

Jongin has been his boyfriend for four years now. They had been together since high school and up to now that they’re both juniors in college. Jongin has seen it all. He has seen Kyungsoo mature and change over the years they’ve spent together. Kyungsoo knows that it was a drastic change, but he is grateful that the loving guy never left him.

 

_He used to be a bubbly and outgoing person but when they attended uni, he seemed to become a lot more reserved and preferred to be alone. He doesn’t want much interaction with people. At first, Jongin couldn’t understand this and they even had an argument over it during their freshman year._

 

_Jongin was constantly hyping up and was extremely excited about this sem-starter party for the freshmen and Kyungsoo’s mistake was turning him down on the last minute. Jongin had expected for him to come and was even looking forward to introducing him to his friends but when Kyungsoo dropped the bomb, he felt a little betrayed._

_The biggest fight they ever had was during that time too. The second semester had just started when Jongin noticed that Kyungsoo was beginning to miss his classes. He also slacked off a lot of times, which is unlikely of him, being an achiever in high school. Jongin decided that it was the last straw when Kyungsoo got a failing grade due to absences and decided to isolate himself from the world, even from Jongin._

_Every day, Jongin would sit by the staircase near Kyungsoo’s room to wait for him. It was a whole week of self-loathing and seclusion for Kyungsoo until one night, when his supply of instant food ran out, that Jongin finally caught him. He attempted to close the door but Jongin was quick to stop it._

_When they got in, Kyungsoo received lecturing from his boyfriend until they both become heated. He remembers Jongin saying in an angry and disappointed tone, “Where’s the old Kyungsoo? Where’s the Kyungsoo I fell in love with?”_

_At that time, when Jongin spoke those words, Kyungsoo felt like his existence was invalidated and that he's the worst person to ever exist in the world. He remembers breaking down, screaming and hands on his face, “I don’t know, Jongin! God, I don’t know, too! Who am I?! Where am I?! Everything starts to fuck up and everyone sees me as shit. Everyone leaves me, and you might as well do too.”_

_There was silence until loud sobs began echoing in the room. Not for long, he felt Jongin’s arms around him, hugging him tightly and gently stroking his hair with his hands as more tears ran down his face. In between hiccups, he says, “I’m lost, Ji. I don’t know anymore.”_

_“Shh. I’m here, Soo. I’m sorry for saying those words,” he said with the softest voice Kyungsoo has ever heard from him. “I’m here… Always. I won’t leave you.” Kyungsoo continued to cry in his embrace._

_“I love you.” Jongin's words were warm and comforting. He felt safe in his arms too and for the longest time, he felt like there is hope in his life. That as long as Jongin is there, he can continue his life._

_From then on, Jongin had become more considerate and understanding. He would adjust to things as long as he can, without spoiling Kyungsoo. The latter appreciated every single thing he did for him and Jongin might not have noticed it but it was the small things that made Kyungsoo fall for the guy even more._

 

_He never failed to stop by Kyungsoo's dorm even if it's out of his way to school, just to wake him for morning classes. When he's really early, he would even bring breakfast for the both of them, but when they're running late, a good morning kiss on the lips was good of a breakfast for Kyungsoo too. On days that he couldn't make it, he calls Kyungsoo and doesn't stop nagging until he confirmed that the small guy is in the shower already._

 

_"Are you really up?" Jongin asked on the other end of the line. Kyungsoo rolled his eyes and chuckled. "Yes! Why won't you believe me?" Jongin laughed and it was music to Kyungsoo's ears. "Hmm. Let me hear the shower." Kyungsoo let out an exasperated sigh but he did turn on the shower and placed the phone closer to the running water before putting it back on his ear. “Heard it? Can I shower now?” he said with a frustrated tone but Jongin knew that he was smiling. “Okay, okay. Good baby.” Jongin said it to annoy Kyungsoo but the smaller guy blushed with the endearment. “Now get your pretty, delicious ass in the shower or you’ll be late! The bus is here. Be careful on your way to uni. See you, bub!” Before Kyungsoo could reply, Jongin ended the call already and the home screen on his phone flashed on the screen— a photo of a sulking Jongin in his sleep._

 

_-_

 

_Jongin understood it when Kyungsoo didn’t feel like going out. He understood when Kyungsoo didn’t want to interact with other people because it made him anxious. He won’t say a word or ask, but he showed it through his actions._

_It was a beautiful Saturday afternoon and they were laying in Kyungsoo’s bed, with only the natural light from the window giving a soft, warm color in the room. Jongin’s hands were massaging his boyfriend’s head that was rested on his chest. The smaller’s back was on Jongin’s front, body right in between his long legs._

_“Do you want to eat out?” the taller asked. “Hm. Somewhere quiet?” Kyungsoo answered with hesitation. Jongin smiled and knew it already. He slid his hands towards Kyungsoo’s and held them up, fingers intertwined. “But you know… We can just order and watch a movie here or something.” Kyungsoo looked up and Jongin fought the urge to squish his chubby cheeks. “Are you sure, Ji? We can go out if you want to.” Jongin held his face with both hands and gave him a soft kiss. “Yep. I’m in the mood for cuddles too—” he slipped a hand inside Kyungsoo’s sweater, “—and maybe something else?”_

_Kyungsoo giggled and squirmed when a finger poked his belly button. His hand roamed upwards and just when Kyungsoo was feeling a little bit aroused, Jongin tickled him. “Ji! Stop it!” He swatted Jongin’s hand before sitting up. He quickly turned around and saw Jongin guarding himself, ready for whatever attack Kyungsoo will pull off. They stared at each other, both sporting a naughty smile, until Kyungsoo jumped on him, trapping him under his weight. He went for Jongin’s weak spot (his chest) and it had him writhing below Kyungsoo. “S-stop it,” he weakly said in between his laughter. Their tickle war lasted a while, but it finally ended when Jongin caught Kyungsoo’s arms and pulled them downwards, making them face each other directly. Their laughter died down as they chased their breathes. They stayed in that position for a bit, until Kyungsoo caught Jongin staring at his lips. In just a split second, their lips were already connected._

_-_

 

_Kyungsoo felt uncomfortable in his body. It’s another reason he had for not wanting to go out. He felt ugly and wanted to hide from the world. But of course, Jongin was there to make him feel otherwise._

_“Soo~ Remove your cap, please?” Jongin whined at him just when they were about to go out for lunch. Kyungsoo pouted but Jongin still insisted and removed his cap. “I want to see that pretty face of yours. And brag it to the world.” Kyungsoo sighed. “You’re just pleasing me. I look like trash.”_

_Jongin placed his hands on each side of his hips. “Excuse me, sir? Are you insulting my boyfriend?” He feigned anger and scowled. Kyungsoo’s lips curved upwards at the sight. Jongin pulled him closer by the waist and scanned his face carefully, and Kyungsoo just watched him do it because it’s cute as hell. “Where? Where is the trash? I don’t see any flaw, sir. 100% pretty here.” He lightly pushed Kyungsoo to look at his body as well. “Oh! And look at this masterpiece. Such a sight!”_

_Kyungsoo finally released his laughter. “You think you’re cute?” Jongin snickered and pulled him in again for a peck on the lips. “YOU think I’m cute.” Kyungsoo rolled his eyes but didn’t deny it. “Fine. I won’t wear it, cute sir.”_

_Throughout their date, Jongin had his arm wrapped around Kyungsoo’s waist. If not, he held his hand tightly as if showing to the world that he was Kyungsoo’s and Kyungsoo was his. He let Kyungsoo feel that he is proud to have a boyfriend like him. He let him feel loved, cared for and appreciated._

_And that’s what Kyungsoo loved, and still loves, about him the most._

It was Jongin’s sudden jolt in his sleep that broke Kyungsoo in his reverie.

 

He fondly stares at Jongin and strokes his lips with his thumb. The taller guy seems to feel it and purses his lips which Kyungsoo finds adorable. He brushes his hand along Jongin’s hair before he reaches forward and kisses the corner of his mouth. “I love you.”

 

He suddenly feels tears escaping his eyes. The feeling of gratefulness for Jongin’s existence overwhelming him. Jongin stayed beside him even though he is a handful. Jongin stayed even if a lot of people turned their backs on him. Jongin stayed even when he hit rock bottom. And most importantly, as Jongin never failed to let him feel it, he will still be staying for long to show his love and care for Kyungsoo.

 

Jongin jolts again and he woke up this time and sees Kyungsoo staring at him, missing the tears on his face. “Can’t sleep, Soo?” he asked with his raspy voice. Kyungsoo nods and Jongin pulls him closer until his face hits the latter’s chest. “Ji?”

 

“Hm?”

 

“Thank you. I love you.”

 

Jongin tightens his hug and kisses Kyungsoo on the forehead. “I love you more, baby.”

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading! let me know your thoughts!!
> 
> also, if ever you're going through something, or you're feeling down or you just want to rant. just message me! i can lend an ear, i won't judge, i promise. :)


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